My Pathetic Life
Hello out there. To those of you that are not in constant contact with me, this is for you. My husband, J., is back in the hospital again. He tried to rob a bank this morning because I wouldn't give him his money so he could buy " two turntables and a microphone". He is of course manic again. They let him out of the hospital too soon. They let him out last Thursday and he has taken off on me 5 times since then. He hasn't slept much in the last 4 days so of course he is crazy again. He only kind of understands what is going on with him. He understands that he is bipolar, but he doesn't seem to get that his behavior has anything to do with it.
So with all of this I am at my wits end. I am so far from being O.K. I do have a lot of friends and family scattered across the U.S. that are all trying to help me. But what I truly need is to be able to fall apart. To have someone hold me and let me cry it all out. To come to my house and clean it up and take care of my son. I just don't have anything left to go on. I am not saying I am suicidal. I love my son too much for that. I would never leave him like that. But unfortunately this is my life, for good or bad, right now. I am just truly exhausted. I haven't hardly slept, or eaten very well. My son of course hasn't either. So we are both fighting colds.
Hopefully, now that the right people seem to be involved with my husbands case, he will finally get better. But of course that will take some time. We are waiting to see which facility he will be transferred to and that is what I am doing. Just waiting. Not knowing which way I will turn next. Not sure if I am willing to even stay in the same city. Not sure if I am going to stay married. Everything is up in the air.
I am trying to get help for all of the issues going on. I do have some childcare. I am talking to people. I could probably use a therapist to talk to though. So for now this is my outlet. This is my therapy. Thank you.