Overwhelmed
Well I am feeling pretty crappy right now. I have been making phone calls all day to all of the companies and creditors for my husband's medical bills. They total somewhere around $27,000. I have been filling out hardship papers from some of the hospitals and calling the other people to see if they will go off the hospital reccomendations or if they have their own paperwork. Some will go off of the individual hospitals. Others have already been sent to collections and will not help other than a payment plan. The probelm with that is we really don't have the money at all to pay these people. The only shining light is that only ONE company already wrote off $150 bill for us. Thank Goddess. So now it is a waiting game to see how much we can get our bills reduced. But I have already been crying today over the mess.
Yesterday I went to the party store to price and pick up birthday party supplies. The cost for everything including Chuck E. Cheese is around $200. I told my husband and he said no way. I know intellectually that he is pretty much right. But I want D. to have a good birthday. It is probably all in my own head. I want him to have good day and memory of his day. But in all likelihood, my husband and I will take him to Chuck E. Cheese alone. I feel bad for him because he doesn't have any friends. I want to get him involved with other kids more. But I can't afford a class to enroll him in and I don't have the transportation to get him there.
Of course these feelings of inadequecy aren't helped much by my pregnant friends either. I also went shopping for baby shower gifts yesterday. And when I was there looking at all of the baby clothes, I felt this awful feeling of dread that I have closed the door on the idea of having more children. I love kids and always wanted at least 2. But with my husband's medical history and our lack of financial stability it makes more sense not to have any more. But my head and my heart are having a hard time communicating.
I will be fine and I am just venting my frustrations. But I am kind of low right now.
Blessed Be.
posted by BlueGoddess @ 2:45 PM
3
comments
3 Comments:
sorry to read that you're feeling low. those medical bills are quite hefty.
all that stuff from the party store is unneccessary. you and j could still take one of the kids you were going to invite--take the other kid without his/her parents and i'm sure you won't feel bad about not having anymore kiddos!
seriously, i hope you are feeling better soon and more companies write off the debt. and the best thing? you and j taking d to chuck up cheese will be a great birthday gift to d--he's guaranteed to love it! afterall you two are the most important people in his world!
friends and school will come soon enough. don't worry about it. i know it's easier to say than to do but know i'm rooting for you!
love you girlie!
my sweet friend....I know jsut how you feel. This year instead of store bought cakes (around 40 bucks for all of my big kids), I made them myself and while I was taking pictures of them....I started to feel really crummy about it.
The truth is this...and no one that reads this gets to throw it at me later....kids don't care about that crap....they don't care about friends that aren't really friends...they don't care about character cakes and such. They might even act like it for awhile but...try this out. What do you remember about all your birthdays? Do you remember that they were fun? Do you remember your family being around for them? Do you think you could name friends that we or were not there from the same birthday year as D is now?
I know this is hard....I struggle with it to. Have as much fun as you can while not breaking the bank. Walk around and play games with him....get excited when he wins tickets etc....I promise you sweetie that THAT is what he will remember....not which kid was there or the plates and napkins and such that you bought.
I am on your side and am here for you whenever you need me.
J
Thanks guys. I know he is perfect the way he is. And I know that all he really wants is to be with us. I also know that the only thing about a birthday cake that he wants is that it is sweet and messy. I appreciate all of the support you guys give me. It helps a lot. I know I shouldn't let myself get mired in all of the superficial crap, but I am only human. And I miss having a little extra money to be able to do some simple fun things that other people get to do.
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