A Change
I originally wrote this yesterday in a hardbound journal. But I thought I hadn't posted anything in a couple of days and this would be a good place for me to get started.
Here I am watching the movie " Along Came Polly". And I am and have been realizing I need to set some goals for the life I want to have. I need to get them down on paper(computer).
Just like Polly in the movie I want to be THINNER, SEXY, and FEEL FREE.
I can't keep living my life only for my husband and my child. It makes me feel like less of a person. So I have to take charge and decide who and what I am to be.
I have to be a better mother. I need to play with D. more. I have to find ways to teach him some important pre-school skills. I need to concentrated on Potty training more. I have to find him a pre-school and find out how much it costs. Then I need to make the plans to work to make the money to pay for it.
I need to keep myself to a budget. I need to start saving money for the things I want and need. I need to find ways to travel more. I need to get my credit score up. I need to pay the bills we have and keep them current. I need to get the medical bills in order and reduced. If that doesn't work I need to look into consumer credit couseling and pay them that way. I need to get the payments for our taxes in place. I want to buy another car.
I need to reduce the clutter in the house I need to make sure I have fun time for myself. I need to make sure D. has access to other kids to play with sometimes. I want to start painting again. I need to continue my artistic and craft endeavors. I want to take dance lessons. I want to see the theater more. I want to be more involved in the lesbian scene. I want to have more pagan and wiccan friends. I want to have sex more. I want passion and love and adoration in my life. But I guess with all of this, my life will be overflowing. I don't want everything in one day. But I want my life to be more fulfilling. and only I can make that happen.
Blessed Be.
posted by BlueGoddess @ 3:01 PM
9
comments
9 Comments:
wow....slow down. you know...most everyone on the planet can make the same kind of list....the I want I want I want list.....don't get yourself so overwhelmed....just some goals to start....just maybe one or two...and build up. I have almost as many as you. Atleast you are brave enough to be commpletly open and honest about your sexuality....please...don't get so down on yourself and don't bury yourself in I shoulds....just take baby steps
Please...scratch this one off right now - "I need to concentrated on Potty training more." Regardless of what route you have in mind (easy going or not) this is a goal that is going to stress you out. He's either going to take a whiz or drop a load. He's going to either do them in his pants or in the toilet. You don't have any more control over the second one then you do the first one.
There are so many more important developmental goals you can set for your kid.
My goal has always been to get them potty trained by kindergarten. We had one that was a close call.
I'm not saying that you don't do the simple things like remind him and praise him when he does good, but for the love of fecal matter, don't set it as a personal goal.
Believe me now, or believe me later - this is not one that is worth your time, stress, energy, etc.
i agree with joel. potty training is something that happens when THEY are ready and the minute you try to force them it all gets way jacked. it's hard enough when they are ready, it's even worse when it's your issue.
good luck. i 2nd jessia's chill advice. baby steps are the way to real success and if you keep the laundry list in your head it's likely to prevent you from functioning.
take a few things at a time and work on them. i reccomend playing with d first. spending some time making j feel extra special (w/o guilt inducement) and then the sex will likely come along.
and if all else fails, get yourself a good anti-depressant, heck, do that anyway! sometimes they give you the boost to do the rest!
love you!
I second the vote for meds!!!!
just to share....ALL three of my big kids STILL wear pull ups to bed. Remember....7,6 and 2. Crystal says I am a good mom....now she might be lying to spare my feelings but somehow I doubt it. Joel is right...it either happens or not....it ain't you pooping your pants....if it was well....then you would need to WORK on it.
Thanks for the advice guys. I was just giving myself a kick in the ass to start my life again. Instead of wallowing in self pity. I am sick of how I have been feeling and acting.
The potty training thing is more about the fact that D. asks to go sometimes and it is just more convienient for me to leave him in his diaper so I can get something done. Or we are in the car and on the way to somewhere or something like that. It isn't like I am trying to force it. I am way too layed back for that. I just don't care that much. I am not a by the book kind of mom or person. You guys should know that. But thanks for the input and the fact that you all care.
Sweet Godess
All you need is love (sorry that came out too chic)
All D. needs is you.
Play with him, dance with him, worship the moon with him. Take him to the store, let his fingers help you clear the clutter. @#$@#$@# the pre-school skills, they come with pre-school and then school and then life and then he's gone to the world. Don't let people BS you about social skills and having to be around other children for a certain amount of time. Hold him to your own standards and he will relate.
Remember the earth
Forget the other car or decide you really want to be ... what?
Stop analyizing, start living.
Sorry, I got on a roll I have no right to preach so I better stop now.
One more thing ... For the "THINNER" you, read Steven King's "Thinner," and that will cure that train of thinking for a whil.
Cheeze I must be tired. So many stupid mistakes in my writing.
echo.....you seem like a very interesting person...I am fairly new to all this blog stuff....I want to your site and didn't see a post that I could read or comment on. Can you give me a hand? I would love to learn more about you.
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