Thursday, June 29, 2006

Coming Back To The Earth

Well Hello there. I am glad that one of my friends in contributing regularly to my comments. That woud be "she who needs a nap". And since I have been commenting on her blog as well we have struck up quite few conversations.

The best of which is about her future handfasting. I have loads of information to bestow upon my friends. And because of that she is getting me closer to my spirtuality again. I have been in quite the bad place for a few months and it has sucked!! I have been praying and casting spells. But I have still felt a little aloof from my chosen religion. Wicca and the Earth always feel like home to me. And somehow with all of the crap of life going on I have forsaken it a bit. So I now have a new project with her handfasting and it is making me get back to my roots. THANK YOU!!!

So hopefully I will be writing more about wicca and rituals and the like. I have always been a very spiritual person, but I do not like to go to"church" regularly. Even though I do like rituals. Thank you Catholicism. So I will be doing more research on the web of course. It is faster and I don't have a car to check out the stores and such in town. I am sure I will be putting up more links too.

That's all for now.

Blessed Be.

Monday, June 26, 2006

The Magick of Children

I wanted to post this last night but I was too tired.

Anyway I was playing with my son yersterday and he is so cute. He picked up this little green stuffed frog and started calling it D. and put it up on his shoulder and said " I gotcha D. I gotcha" and then hugged and kissed the little thing. Then he wanted me to do it too. Then we sat on the couch, with my son in my lap and the frog on his shoulder all saying " I gotchya, I gotchya. Don't worry I am here" He is really starting to have empathy for others and is so adorable doing it. Whenever I stub my toe or something he asks if I'm o.k. and then kisses my boo boo.

Plus when we were on our way inside from the car he just stoops down and looks at a little brown leaf on the ground. He just stares at it and picks it up and studies it. I just love the newness in his eyes. To watch him learning about the world around him. It is beautiful. I am really going to enjoy the next few years with him.

Blessed Be.

Update on my life

Well last week went fairly well. To start we went to Six Flags 3 times last week. Saturday was not as much fun because our group got split up and we couldn't find each other for the longest time. But then we went back to our friends house and had pizza and played video games and hung out. We would have stayed at the park longer but it started to rain and hail pretty hard.

But the good news is that we have been spending time together as a family. And right now our finances aren't all that terrible. Still just working on those medical bills. But that is going to take a lot of time.

I have also been keeping the house neat. I wouldn't say that it is totally clean. I am terrible about clutter. But I am working on that one today. So far I have done the dishes, swept and mopped and vacuumed the living room. I still have to work on D.'s room but that shouldn't take too long. I was just downstairs working on the bills online and figured it was a good time to post while on a break from housework. I also have to do some laundry, but I don't like to run the dishwasher and laundry at the same time.

And later today when the little boy across the courtyard comes home D. and I will go outside to play with bubbles and sidewalk chalk. All in all a pretty full day. My husband won't get to be with us much because he has a class tonight. We will see him tomorrow and maybe go back to Six Flags. Woo Hoo!! I love to go swimming.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

A Change

I originally wrote this yesterday in a hardbound journal. But I thought I hadn't posted anything in a couple of days and this would be a good place for me to get started.

Here I am watching the movie " Along Came Polly". And I am and have been realizing I need to set some goals for the life I want to have. I need to get them down on paper(computer).
Just like Polly in the movie I want to be THINNER, SEXY, and FEEL FREE.

I can't keep living my life only for my husband and my child. It makes me feel like less of a person. So I have to take charge and decide who and what I am to be.

I have to be a better mother. I need to play with D. more. I have to find ways to teach him some important pre-school skills. I need to concentrated on Potty training more. I have to find him a pre-school and find out how much it costs. Then I need to make the plans to work to make the money to pay for it.

I need to keep myself to a budget. I need to start saving money for the things I want and need. I need to find ways to travel more. I need to get my credit score up. I need to pay the bills we have and keep them current. I need to get the medical bills in order and reduced. If that doesn't work I need to look into consumer credit couseling and pay them that way. I need to get the payments for our taxes in place. I want to buy another car.

I need to reduce the clutter in the house I need to make sure I have fun time for myself. I need to make sure D. has access to other kids to play with sometimes. I want to start painting again. I need to continue my artistic and craft endeavors. I want to take dance lessons. I want to see the theater more. I want to be more involved in the lesbian scene. I want to have more pagan and wiccan friends. I want to have sex more. I want passion and love and adoration in my life. But I guess with all of this, my life will be overflowing. I don't want everything in one day. But I want my life to be more fulfilling. and only I can make that happen.

Blessed Be.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

If I were...

If I Were...

If I were a month, I would be: October(I love the fall and Halloween!!)
If I were a day of the week, I would be: Saturday(when I am not working)
If I were a time of day, I would be: midnight
If I were a sea animal, I would be: Sea Turtle
If I were a direction, I would be: true North
If I were a sin, I would be: Lust
If I were a historical figure I would be: Cleopatra
If I were a planet, I would be: Venus
If I were a liquid, I would be: mercury
If I were a stone, I would be: Lapis
If I were a tree, I would be: an oak
If I were a bird, I would be: a flamingo
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a gardenia
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: a tornado
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be: a Unicorn
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a flute
If I were an animal, I would be: dolphin
If I were an emotion, I would be: Love
If I were a vegetable, I would be: broccoli
If I were a sound, I would be: a moan
If I were an element, I would be: water
If I were a song, I would be: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy
If I were a movie, I would be: Tank Girl
If I were a book, I'd be: "Wicked"
If I were a food, I would be: dark chocolate
If I were a place, I would be: a small waterfall coming down the mountainside
If I were a taste, I would be: sweet
If I were a scent, I would be: jasmine
If I were a religion, I would be: pagan
If I were a word, I would be: fantasy
If I were a body part, I would be: that little spot just beside your pelvic bone, the smooth part
If I were a facial expression, I would be: a smile
If I were a subject in school, I would be: painting
If I were a cartoon character, I'd be: Eyeore
If I were a shape, I would be: an ellipse
If I were a number, I would be: 8
If I were a piece of jewelery, I would be: a silver cuff bracelet
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be: an oversized big comfy chair
If I were a car, I would be: '57 corvette in cobalt blue
If I were an item of clothing, I'd be: a glamourous silk dress from the 1940's

Blessed Be.

My Family Reunion Trip

So I am going to tell you all about my trip back East. I was busy pretty much every day that I was there.

We left our home on Wed June 7 and I had to get up at 3 a.m. so that my husband would make it to work on time. But our flight left rather early too. Anyway we arrived in St. Louis at 10 a.m. and promptly went to breakfast. D. and I were starving. My mom was very happy to see us. Then we went by my sister's house to drop off our stuff and relax for a couple of hours. When my mom got back I was itching to show my son all of my favorite childhood haunts and stuff. So we went way across town to my first elementary school and my old babysitters house next door. It was nice to visit with them and introduce them to my son. They are pretty old now, so they don't babysit anymore. But their house looked exactly the same. My old school on the other hand had changed a bit. But it was still fun to check it out. Then we swung by our old house too. After that we started going all around the city to old houses we lived in. I was actually checking out the market there a bit too. By the time we got home it was 10 p.m. and then D. was out. That was until my sister's dog Rocco jumped on him and hurt him a little and really scared him. Poor kid. So he was pretty whiny after that. So I took the dog for a walk.

I don't really remember specifically what we did on Thursday. Just getting ready for our trip to Kentucky for Friday. We left by 9 a.m. and it is a 3 hour trip to my grandparents house. D. did really well and napped for about half of the trip. We get there and he wakes up and knew exactly where we were. I was surprised he remembered. The last time we were there he was only 1 year old. It took about 15 min. for him to warm up to everyone after the nap. But then he was playing with my teenage cousins and wanting all of the toys in the house. My cousin M. and I went for a walk after lunch down this old gravel road beside my grandparents house. It leads to property owned by other cousins of ours and to a creek we used to spend a lot of time at when we were kids. After that we packed up and headed for our cabin at Kentucky Lake. It was still light out and D. was napping again, so we went for a swim. It was a nice cabin too. It was basically a small two bedroom house with everything we could need. We had a microwave, oven, fridge, pots and pans, and plates and stuff, tv and vcr with cable. Plus we had a nice covered porch with a picnic table and lots of chairs. And a barbecue. So we were set for the weekend.

Saturday we went about an hour away, still close to the Lake in Tennessee to a place called the Homeplace. It is an old farm from the 1850's that is still in working order. Basically it is an outdoor museum. It has a vegetable garden and 2 old farmhouses from the period. The people who work there dress in period clothing and teach how the place worked. But when we were there they also had a Pickin' Party, bluegrass festival. There were lots of trees and everything was so green. The houses were surprising cool for how hot it was. They also had some oxen, ducks, pigs, chickens and a turkey there. We got to try old fashioned games and see how they did their woodworking with the old fashioned tools. Then we had a picnic by a stream. It was a lot of fun. I only wish I had some digital pics to show you. Then we went back to the cabin and had a barbecue party for my Granddaddy for his birthday and Father's day. We all went swimming again with the teenage cousins and D. We had a blast.

Earlier on Saturday, before we left for the Homeplace we went by our old house by the lake. We also went looking for the old water slide and shops that were next to it. We used to own a music store there. We found it but it is now an antique mall. The water slide and go cart areas were all grown over. But I was able to take my son on a horseback ride at the same place I went as a kid.

On Sunday was the family reunion. It was nice and a lot of people showed up. But I have a gigantic family. So I don't really know a lot of them. The last one we had was in 1989. So a lot of us have grown up and have children of our own now. I do have 3 cousins that are professional clowns, so they entertained the kids. They had face painting and balloon animals. D. kept breaking them, but they didn't mind and kept giving him more. D. was playing with every kid he could find. They even played with balloon swords. The food was pretty good. But the desserts were fantastic. My aunt Marcia is trying to become a caterer for desserts and brought 18 different kinds. My one cousin Kevin, Marcia's son, told everyone that his wife is now pregnant with twins. They will be the first twins on either side of the family. So we are all very excited. She is due in November. We don't know what they will be. They have decided for it to be a surprise.

After the reunion was over, we went back to the cabin for another swim with D. and my Aunt and my cousin M. and my mom. After that we went for a drive around the lake to a lot of old campgrounds we used to go to. We walked down by the lake and collected seashells. But my favorite part was buying Moonpies and Yoohoo for D. and I to eat and drink. I hadn't had those things since I was a kid. It wasn't as good as I remember. But it was still fun. Plus D. liked it. The Moonpies were better than the Yoohoo. Going back to the lake and all of the little towns there is like going back in time to the 1970's. Not much has changed since then. And that is when I lived there. So it was perfect.

On Monday it was time for my cousin M. and my aunt to go home. So we went on to my Uncle James' house further south in Kentucky for lunch and a barbecue dinner with the rest of the family. He has a huge house and a lot of land that he lives on. He even built 2 extra rooms onto his house just for the rest of the family to stay in when we are in town. He has a big pond in his backyard with a lot of catfish we fed. D. loved it, but he almost fell in. My uncle James has a thing that is kind of like a 4 wheeler, but it has a windshield and is more for working on the farm, it is called a Mule. D. wanted to ride on it so bad. So I let him go, seatbelted of course. He didn't want to get off. I got to drive him around in it too. But his dog, Cody kept running in front of it, so I didn't want to do that any more. My teenage cousins came by later and they wouldn't stop driving it until D. fell asleep and started to fall over in his seat. All in all it was a great weekend. And off we went back to St. Louis.

Tuesday we spent all day at the zoo. It is free in St. Louis, but it costs to see any of the shows and to ride the train. So I spent the money and we saw the sea lion show and rode the train. We rode the carousel. D. rode a warthog and I rode the ostrich. D. loved it and was trying to ride the other animals while we were spinning. We saw polar bears and grizzly bears. We saw the penguins swimming. We went into the gigantic flight cage. We went to the children's zoo and petted the goats and a horse and a cow. Then we went inside a tunnel that was painted like the inside of a whale. Then we came upon a fountain that all the kids played in and got totally soaked. D, didn't want to leave. We also got to see turtles, rabbits, monkeys, kangaroos, a lion eating a rabbit, frogs, and guinea pigs. We finally went home when D. was almost falling asleep in his stroller.

Wednesday we went to the Magic House, which is one of the largest children's museums in the country. The last time I was there, I was a kid myself. They still had a lot of the exhibits that they had back then. My favorite is a room that has a flash camera and takes a picture of your shadow. But D.'s favorite place to play is still the kitchen. And the water table. So even though this place was huge and had every kind of fun thing to do in a day, he kept going back to the 3 different kind of kitchens, one was for babies, the other for older kids and the next was a pretend restaurant. But he also liked the grocery store. He played with the musical instruments too.

And then there was Thursday. Our one day to sort of relax. Except we had to do laundry and clean up my sister's house and leave it the way we found it. And then we left Friday afternoon. And here we are. If my family emails me any of the pics from the trip I will post them.

Blessed Be.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

I'm Back I'm Back I'm Back!!!

Well I am finally home! Thank Goddess. It was a miserable flight. First it was late getting into St. Louis and leaving. Then there was bad weather over Kansas and Denver, so we had to go the long way around through Texas to get here. It made the flight 3 hours instead of a 1 1/2 hours. Add to that one very loud screaming infant, that was in terrible pain in his ears and his mother didn't really give him anything to suck on. Plus she didn't nurse him, so that was a big problem for the baby. And everyone on the flight. Then there was the turbulence. I hate it. I don't mind the pressure of the plane going up, just the sudden drop in the sky. It is like a rollercoaster, without the metal bars holding it to the ground. So you feel like you are going to fall out of the sky. Other than that the trip was great.

There is so much to tell and I will make it at least a 2 parter including this post, but I am tired and want to go to bed. So I will read you later.

Blessed Be.

Saturday, June 03, 2006


Well we just got back from an indoor swimming playground. It is a lot like Six Flags only indoors and a hell of a lot cheaper. It was so much fun and tiring. D is totally learning to swim. I bought him a little life vest type thing to help him swim and keep his head above water so he could play. We he has taken to it like a fish! He didn't want my husband or I to hold him at all. He just wanted to let go and kick as hard as he could and swim across the whole pool. Then he would get to the side and he pulled himself out and then would jump back in. He is fearless. He is also just like I was when I was little. I have always loved to swim. I would never want to get out. My lips would be blue and I would be freezing but I wouldn't care. It was the best family day in a while. The great thing is that at our family reunion in Kentucky we will have a pool right next to our cabin and we are on the lake. So we will be doing a lot of swimming there too. If I get any pics I will be sure to post them when I get back.

Blessed Be.

Thursday, June 01, 2006


Well I wanted to lighten the mood a little bit. I was watching t.v. and the news came on. They were starting to talk about relocating a family of ducks. It reminded me of this time a few months ago when my husband, my son and I were on our way home from dinner out. We stopped at a traffic light on a rather busy street. A whole family of ducks crossed at the crosswalk. It was a mother duck and at least 5 ducklings. Plus they stopped when they were halfway across. The light had turned red and the traffic started up again. Then when the light turned green they walked the rest of the way. It was the weirdest thing. Plus their wasn't any water or normal habitat around. We had no idea where they came from. We tried to look for them after they crossed the street. If only we would have had a camera.

Blessed Be.

I am royally pissed off!!! I have been waiting the last couple of days for my first unemployment check to come in the mail. Instead I receive a notice to call in for the next two week period for the following check, but not for this one. So I call the customer service number and it says that my claim hasn't been processed yet. I am confused, because I have received a ton of paperwork from the unemployment office so that I could get this all underway. So I am on the phone waiting for 15 minutes and fianlly a person gets on the line and tells me this. My ex employer has not gotten back to them with the reason that I "left" my job. I told them that they fired me. I have received a ton of paperwork saying that I qualify and to call in for my paychecks and to expect them within a couple of days. SO WHAT THE FUCK!!! My ex employer not only humiliates me and fires me, but to make me feel worse and not be able to pay the bills, they drag their fucking feet and don't reply to the fucking unemployment office. So as you can plainly see I am a bit perturbed. The unemployment office says that my previous employer has up to 4 more fucking weeks to reply and there is nothing that I can do to facillitate the process.

I am sorry that this is another bad post. I didn't really want to be a whiner, but this is my only true outlet these days. I still haven't been able to see a counselor. So for a while I guess that I will just be pissed off here and hopefully be a much nicer person in my real life. This is after all just a weblog.

Blessed Be.